Questions To Ask On A Date
How To Get To Know Someone
So, you have made it pass the initial "I like you enough to spend time getting to know you better" stage, and you are ready to go on a date and really get to know them.
So, what do you talk about? You could wade into dangerous waters and talk about past relationships ... or keep it pretty basic and look for things you have in common ... music, favorite movies, politics, hobbies.
But there is another choice. One that can help you discover things about yourself, as well as the person you are dating.
That choice is to ask fun and insightful questions that help to reveal the things that define what makes you unique ... and the life journey you are on. If you take a moment to think about it, what makes the people you truly love special is not their favorite music station or their favorite food. You know those things about them -- but that is not what gives them the keys to your heart. Or makes you give them a big, long hug when you have been missing them.
And chemistry may make you catch your breath -- but it isn't what has you staying up half the night when they are sick and camping out in the bathroom -- and you still have to go to work the next day.
Instead, it is an indefinable but very real situation where your hearts, minds, and futures come into accord ... and you decide to journey through life together. That journey is physical, in the sense that you go together places -- whether that is just on a second date to the movies, on a honeymoon or to your grand kids high school graduations. It is also mental, in the sense that this is the person you are going to be communicating with to make everyday life decisions from where to live to what to have for dinner tonight. And it is financial, if you combine your incomes and debts. Add in the emotional component of this person knowing your deepest fears and most secret desires -- and you have a lot at stake. So it makes sense to get to know who they really are.
If I haven't scared you off by talking about what dating is all about ... then you might be interested in a few ideas for how to get to know the person sitting next to you in the theater or across from you at dinner.
Keep in mind that the kind of questions you ask reveal a lot about you ... and it would be nice if you are willing and ready to, in turn, answer the same questions about yourself. And even if your date doesn't know the answer, you can learn a lot about them by the way they go about finding one to give you.
Getting To Know What Inspires Your Date
- What inspires you?
- What makes you stay up late at night?
- What have the best conversations of your life been about?
- What takes your breathe away? When was the last time that happened?
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Who do you wish you could tag along with for a week or a month? (This will reveal a lot about who they admire and what they wish they were doing with their life.)
- Growing up, who did you daydream of being?
- What makes you laugh? (Humor is one of the things that gets you through the tough times that every relationship goes through ... so understanding and finding a match in humor is preferred.)
- What gives you goose bumps?
- What are you truly passionate about? (Passion comes in all shapes and sizes. Knowing what turns your date on can give you clues about where you are going to be spending a lot of time ... at car rallies, the ballet, or dry rub barbeques.)
Getting To Know What Moves Your Date
- What do you love to talk about? (This is a big one, since these topics will fill up those long vacation commutes and when friends drop by to hang out.)
- If you had three wishes you could only use to make the world better, what would you wish for and why? (This helps you understand how they see the world, what is right and what is wrong with it.)
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What do you secretly dream about doing for a living? (If you want to champion their dreams, you have to know this about them.)
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Growing up, what did you love to do? Why? (Often, we leave the best parts of ourselves in childhood. Helping someone connect with their past can rekindle joy and bring more meaning into someone's life.)
- What would you absolutely love to study or become an expert in? (This will help you understand if they are into lifelong learning and future topics of conversation.)
- Where do you feel like you belong? (This helps you figure out where they will feel most comfortable and where they want to spend their time. This could range from a football stadium to
- What can’t you seem to get enough of? (If their life journey involves a quest, here is where you learn what their holy grail is.)
- What do you passionately collect? (Yes, whatever they collect will be hanging around the house and they will probably like to spend weekends and vacations collecting more.)
- What do you think there is a gold mine in? (Do they see opportunity everywhere or nowhere?)
- What do you have a knack for? (Everyone excels at certain things and it is good to know what they bring to the table in terms of their gifts and talents.)
For more ideas of things to talk about, you can also look at the personal questions that help reveal what your bliss is.
